the mind of mrs. magoo

Things are going well, really well. I was hesitant that I could actually make a step in the right direction with me eating habits and exercising regularly. I always turned my nose up at really “health foods” and I have to admit, I actually enjoy eating healthy…sure I still crave my sweets and my salty things, but now that I am actually watching what I eat and my calorie and fat intake, I have choices to make…either blow all my calories allotted for the day on a piece of cake, let’s say, or eat 5 other snacks to fill it’s place that would be more beneficial to my body. I’m not saying I don’t have my treats, I do, because I like my sweet and savory…but I enjoy them more when I do have them. I’m not sitting down while my kids nap having a cup of coffee AND cheesecake I made the other day. I’m pretty proud of myself and I hope this is a new turning point with my family to a healthier lifestyle!

OK, Day 10 wouldn’t be complete without a photo of my grotesque stomach, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not much change, but I’m OK with that, it will come with time.

and for comparison Day 1:

Today is day 5 on my fitness journey. It’s been tough. I like my snacks…I like my sweets…and I like a lot of them. I like second helpings too. Somewhere along the line of becoming an adult I thought “Hey, this is great, I can eat what I want now!” Instead of 2 chocolates, a whole bag while the hubs and I vegged out on the couch. Not a handful of chips…half a bag. Somewhere too, I stopped eating veggies and stopped drinking water and stopped eating fruit – and I love fruit! I don’t know what happened.

4 days ago I began the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Today I can barely straighten my arms – HA! I have been trying to do two workouts a day – the Shred and my Bellydance Tribal Fusion DVD with Rachel Brice…it incorporates bellydance and yoga. It’s been great though – I can feel my muscles waking up (Even though they say “I don’t want to!! Let me sleep!”). I’ve been making better choices when eating, thanks to My Fitness Pal too. I want this and I’m not going to stop – it helps that my kids like to “exercise” with me as well.

I’ve been weighing myself everyday, but our scale outright sucks…and I’ve decided to wait until Saturday to weigh in again. I won’t be disappointed if I don’t see any progress. I love that my kids are interested in what we are doing – I keep telling Little Magoo that I am exercising to be healthy and eating healthy foods too. I hope that my whole family can get on track and live a much healthier lifestyle than we have been. I want to live a long healthy life and feel good about my body, inside and out.

It has been horribly long since I have written anything here. I’ve been debating for a while now, eliminating my personal blog…I’m not quite sure what to do just yet. I know I could write a gazzillion posts about how much I love my kids and how challenging parenting can be. But this has always been a place for where I want to put my thoughts. What moves me, what goes on in my head. Just the other day, I was complaining of Facebook to my friends about how I want new glasses, a new haircut, possibly a tattoo and to get in shape.

I lack the motivation to get in shape. I really do. I look to Mr. Magoo to motivate me…and sadly he looks to me to motivate him. FAIL. Fail all around.

All my friends say to me “you don’t need to loose weight, you look great!”, “you’re so thin!”, “I’d love to look like you.” It’s nice of them to amuse me, when inside I feel awful about my body. Having a child children ruins your body completely, unless you are one of the lucky ones. My second pregnancy ruined my abdominal muscles for good – and if I ever want that cute little innie bellybutton of mine back, I’m looking at plastic surgery (which my PCP said she would gladly give me a referral and they could fix my minor umbilical hernia while they were at it). I don’t like the idea of plastic surgery – or any surgery. Sure, I’d love to have the perfect body again, but going under the knife scares me too much. The thought of the recovery scares me even more. I’m not in pain, so I’ll pass.

Over the past 5 years or so…I have had no time for myself in regards to taking care of myself. Little Pookie Pie turns two this week – TWO. I can’t believe it….but I am finally at the point where I know I need to make a change. I need to eat right (not a bag of chips while the kids nap because it was the only food they let me shovel down my throat all day) and exercise…because although I might look alright to others, I don’t feel alright about me. When I brush my teeth, my stomach and muffin top jiggle about and I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel good on me. And where I know that Mr. Magoo and my friends and family love me no matter what I look like, squishy bits an all…I am not happy with how I look.

So here goes….I’m hoping to knock off at least 10lbs to get to my goal weight. I once had a bellydance photo of myself showcasing my nice once flat abs…so here is an oldie of me on my honeymoon in 2006 (yes, I did the cheesy tourist shot)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS is how I look now. Yes, I’m putting it out there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ick, my poor stomach. So wish me luck! I’m hoping to keep a little journal…maybe…of progress here. Baby steps, right?

ETA: starting weight – 138.8lbs   height: 5’6″

This past weekend I had the privilege of photographing another newborn. She was a photographer’s dream. Such a content, happy, sleepy little girl. I was excited to work yesterday…even though I had to leave my boys. I always have this feeling after a photoshoot where I don’t feel I did well…then I see the images and I am amazed.

Then I feel down about it again…see I only have a consumer entry level camera…but as I started to do the dishes this morning, I can’t help but cry tears of happiness at what God has allowed me to produce, even with my teeny tiny DSLR. I am just so overwhelmed with happiness in what I was able to capture for this family.

I cannot imagine the potential I would have with a professional camera. Sometimes I am just overwhelmed and just so thankful for the amazing gift I have been given, even though at times I feel totally limited. There is a larger plan at work here and I just have to be patient.

I have so much to be thankful for this Monday morning.

I have this habit of getting into my own head and not being able to get out. I get in my own way a lot. As of late I have been feeling like I cannot get ahead at all, with anything. My house is a disaster. Who knows when my baskets of laundry will get put away or my kitchen island will get decluttered.

I see repainting that needs to be done (or at least I want it done) and my home is still not the way I really want it to be…we need new furniture like nobody’s business….but I feel like we can’t get ahead. I desperately need a camera upgrade, but cannot justify the cost when I look at my children who need things and we have bills to pay. I see people pass me by with their successes and I wonder why I am being held back. Or at least I feel that I am being held back. Maybe it is my lack of finances for certain things, maybe it is my lack of motivation….or maybe it is because it just isn’t time for me yet and that I am where I need to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because I am blessed to be able to have moments like this every day….and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think about where my future will go and although I don’t want to be defined as just another stay-at-home-mom, I realize that although I may not mean something great to someone else in terms of a career… but I mean the world to my family and when all is said and done, that is all that truly matters to me. They don’t care that I’m not a good enough photographer…or that my clothes have stains on them (or at least the majority of them)…or that I’m not out saving lives every day, they are happy just the way I am…a quirky loveable mom, that lives life with great passion and who has her plate full most days. I am so thankful for everything God has blessed me with in my life and know that He is continuously guiding me down the path I need to go.

It’s hard to believe that tomorrow another year will have gone by in my life.

I’m not going to lie, I feel old…and I know that I will only feel older every year that goes by (and am starting to look old too). I’m OK with it, I’m attempting to embrace it (kind of, while still in denial). This past year has taught me a lot…and most of all to just remember that God has a plan for everything in life…and if I’m not sick, or dying or homeless, then I am doing a-OK. I need to learn to embrace more of what God has given me – my beautiful family. My wonderful friends. All who put up with all my crap, my moodiness, my craziness…and despite it all, see my true self and love me anyways.

I’ve grown in my knowledge of life…yet still wonder what the real meaning is behind all this craziness. I’ve grown in my photography…but still am working to be really where I want to be. I’ve grown as a mother and wife and friend…but still yearn to be better at those things. All I suppose are never ending, continuously changing and ever growing.

Onto another adventurous year!

This past week started good, the kids were getting excited for Halloween and Little Magoo was so excited to be dressing as a pirate. I actually got to straighten my hair and put my contacts in last Friday as I headed out for a girl’s night out. Please excuse the crappy iPhone pics – did I mention my hubs got me an iPhone for an early birthday gift? Woot! So excited!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yay for a girl’s night out! We had some incredible laughs (as always) and I got to enjoy a tasty beverage of the adult kind…it was probably my third drink in the past 4 years. I so needed it. Saturday I was nice and tired from staying out too late and there were weather reports of a massive Nor’Easter headed our way….with outages to be expected. I ran errands and got some grocery shopping done full on non-perishables…and cookies, you can’t hunker down for a snow storm without cookies. Later that day we made our way to a Halloween party, only to drive home in this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Really??

Wet, heavy, snow…in October.

Little Magoo couldn’t wait to get outside, so Mr. Magoo obliged.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We got the kids home as I rushed to make dinner – I knew what the inevitable was, as the snow clung feverishly to the leaves still left on the trees. We ate, we got the kids to bed, I curled up to my laptop to relax for the night, after I got the cookies in the oven…then…darkness. I spent the rest of the night trying to get the kids to settle without their sound machines and night lights. Finally they fell asleep as the sound of plows, cracking branches, generators and transformers blowing, filled the night air. Needless to say, I did not sleep much, thinking about my babies in their own rooms (we attempted to sleep in the same bed, but they would rather play).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the sun slowly started to come up and the storm had cleared – we woke up to this….an uprooted tree…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…and this.

The kids were happy, at least.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The darkness continued for three and a half days…no power, cold….I felt terrible for my kids every day as we woke up in our layered clothing and I scooped them up to take them to my brother’s to get warm, or the mall, or the car to charge my phone. Never again do I desire to go camping, no thank you. I am exhausted now and hoping that life begins it’s normalcy again…as normal as it can get for having trick or treating in November. Is it really November all ready?

Today was another beautiful day in New England…highs in the 70′s, gorgeously sunny….but, we stayed inside. Blah. But it had to be done…the piles of clutter every which way I turned was getting to me….so today I took a break from the editing of a session I have been working on (a double session, so it seems to be taking me twice as long!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So my little guys and I just hung out…we decluttered (kind of) and I got my craft on. (look at them playing feeties <3) I decorated for Halloween. I never used to be into decorating for Halloween, but since having kids, it has become fun. I still keep it simple.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had seen a monster wreath tutorial in Family Fun Magazine. I couldn’t find any purple “fur” so I attempted to not so well, dye my own a couple of weeks ago…but this was the end result.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the back door, I just made a couple of felt ghosts and hung them in an already existing grapevine wreath we had up. They wiggle around as the door opens and closes. Super cute!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I found these little free printables on Pinterest (thank you Paper Crave and Pinterest!) and I managed to make a nice rag banner for Thanksgiving decor/photo prop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(ignore the pink one, that was from the photoshoot I am currently editing). All in all a good day, despite missing the fun to be had outside….I love spending time with my boys, despite them destroying my clean home in two seconds flat.

I have this inner urge to write – to spill out all that is in my head. There is so much going on inside the noggin’ of mine, I can’t seem to explain it all, so perhaps a list will suffice.

1. My children are growing by leaps and bounds and I am filled with delight and cannot wait for the Christmas season to be upon us and see it all through their eyes. Pookie Pie is going to love it this year and really “get” it. So exciting.

2. My Faith is still with me and every day I ask God to give me the patience with my children. I still miss going to church, I know I could find the time, but to juggle two kids at church by myself is nearly impossible. The Christmas season has me thinking a lot about it again.

3. I discovered Pandora and love it, it is like it can read what is on my brain sometimes, in terms of what I like for music. So very cool.

4. I discovered yesterday I have a fear of success. Like anything, life, work, success is as big as you want it to be. I know I am standing on the verge of something major and it scares me to death. Why I don’t know. Perhaps the fear that I will fail. Perhaps the fear that I will be beyond my comfort zone and safety of my little homebody lifestyle. I don’t make friends easily, I’ve always been pretty much a loner…I’m the girl that goes out with friends and wonders the whole time if I’m saying the right things or if I’m being judged for my style or lack there of. Ha! I’m not very social, but love to socialize. When I am presented with a new client, I feel myself digging my heels in, with fear of perhaps what they might expect out of me. I guess this is where I need to listen to may parents advice to just be myself. I do know I am good enough.

As if you couldn’t tell, I don’t know where I am going with all of this.

5. Everything fall is upon us and I want sun and crisp leaves and warm sweatshirts and sweaters and baking….oh the baking. Love it.

And on that note, I am off to attempt to put away piles of clean laundry, while juggling dishes with the other hand, changing diapers with another and running errands all before lunch and nap time.

I love my life and all it’s craziness.

I’ll leave you with a photo from our apple picking the other week.

Now I want to make apple pie.

Happy Wednesday everyone!

As of late, I have not been blogging. Surprise! Surprise!

I have been so incredibly busy with my boys…and well, cannot find much of anything that is interesting to say…or maybe like it isn’t worth saying, I’m not sure. I had my photography exhibit over the summer and it was really exciting. I was pretty darn proud of myself, even if it was just a little library showing. I have to say that once my exhibit was up, I found this inner peace about myself, that I have not had, ever. A sense of just being content of where I am.

This photography thing is exciting, it’s nice to have a little business all to myself and to share my art form with others who are willing to be the subject on the other end of my lens…and who hire me for the work that I produce. I know a lot of photographers out there, who own there own business my be snubbing their nose at me or what have you, saying that I don’t have what it takes to have a successful business…but I’m OK with that. My success has already been made, in the fact that I have an outlet of my very own, a way to express myself and share with others the beauty that is in our lives.

Again, I feel at peace. I feel finally, at peace with being a mom. I know that sounds strange to say, coming from a mom of two, with her oldest who is well over age three…but I am at peace with it and I think it is because I was able to carve out a little piece of this life for myself again, just something I was able to call my own, even for just a moment in time. No matter what though, my babies come first. My family comes first and I’m good with that. I feel successful and it is a good feeling (even though my oldest makes me feel like I don’t know what the heck I am doing as a mom).

Life has taken on it’s own form as of late. It seems every day is jam packed with taking care of the two kidlets and the home and photography. I wish I had something more inspiring to write. Something prolific and uplifting and hilarious all at the same time…but life has been boring, and I’m good with that.

Now if I could just get my act together and find my path to Hospice Photography….more on that another time.